Inside marriage, sex has great power for good. The greater the gift from God, the more power it has both for good and bad. We’re sinners who can pervert, abuse, and rip away from their proper place the good things God created. Sex is a good thing which, when it occurs outside its God-designed boundaries, becomes bad. When out of control, violating God’s intended purpose, it becomes ugly and destructive. When exercised in line with God’s intended purpose, it is beautiful and constructive. Likewise, God designed sex to exist within certain boundaries. Water and fire are good things which, when they occur outside their God-intended boundaries, become bad. But a forest fire or a house burning to the ground or a person engulfed in flames is fire out of control-it is horrible and frightening. Fire is an energy-producing gift of God that gives warmth and allows us to cook. But floods and tidal waves are water out of control, and the effects are devastating. Water is a gift of God, without which we couldn’t survive. Like all good gifts from God, sex can be misused and perverted. When it takes place in its proper context, God is definitely pro-sex.Ģ. It is both the means by which children are conceived (something very close to God’s heart) and a means by which marital intimacy is expressed and cultivated. God designed sex for the sacred union of marriage, and reserves it for that union. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place. He warns us not to talk about sex in any inappropriate context:īut among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. However, God requires us to address the subject in keeping with his intentions and requirements, not the world’s. We shouldn’t be ashamed to talk about what God wasn’t ashamed to create.
God’s Word speaks openly of the pleasure of sex within the marriage relationship (Proverbs 5:18,19 Song of Solomon 4:5 7:1, 6-9).
God made sex physically desirable by creating us with sex drives, without which sex wouldn’t exist and neither would people. Sex was created by the holy God of heaven, where purity reigns. Sex was not created by Satan, Playboy, Hollywood, HBO, rock musicians or the Internet. God created it, God called it “good,” and it existed before there was any sin in the world. “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5). (Each time we did this, of course, it further reinforced these principles for our daughters and for us.) Having consistently practiced this when they were dating, it was impossible for us and for our daughters to imagine them dating a young man without first openly addressing with him all the principles that follow. Though there were sometimes nervous jitters as family members (and especially the young men) anticipated these sessions, in each case the time together was strategic, encouraging and rewarding. This deepened our relationship, opened communication and created healthy accountability. We made our expectations clear, gave them specific guidance and principles (not just rules), and told them we’d be asking them if they were living up to these standards. We found that this was a great help not only to our daughters but also to the young men who wanted to date them. Until we had gone over these principles together (my wife and I, our daughter and the boy) and made sure there was complete agreement, we didn’t allow a dating relationship to begin. When my now married daughters were teenagers, I honed it further for sharing and discussion with them and the young men who asked to date them. I’ve developed the following material and presented it to many young people and their parents over many years.
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